If you are like me and have a desire to live on purpose, be an asset in every relationship you enter and leave an impact everywhere you go, then you know that being aligned is a significant element of our being. For me, I am happiest when I’m aligned; I trust myself, I feel competent, I flow and I embrace the ups and downs that life brings. But what do you do when the inevitable storms of life hit you all at once, when you lose that loved one unexpectedly, when the person you love walks away from you or when something vile arrives at your doorstep and makes you question everything about life, who you are, and what you were created to do? What I’ve learned about life is that our purpose is often found in these conundrum of events that turns our world upside down. And though it may take some time to find your footing, you may have to cry and crawl back to a place of stability, and what I like to refer as divine alignment, it’s worth the fight. I believe that getting aligned is always worth the fight. I tell you I how I fought my way back to alignment below.
Got Centered:
Getting centered for me was about getting at the feet of Jesus and making him the center and the source of my being. Since I was a young girl, I can never remember a time where I did not lean on my faith. I recall one time when I was around 13 years old, I wanted to win homecoming queen during my eight -grade year in middle school. I remember making a pact with God, that if he allowed me to win, I would start back going to church and living better. I won homecoming queen that year and went on to be elected class favorite, homecoming attendee and high school homecoming queen! I tell this story because even as a young girl, naïve to real hardships in life, God met me where I was. This built my faith in Him. God is so good and gracious that He mets us right where we are and gives us what we ask for, no matter how miniscule it is, just so we will build trust and confidence in Him to met our needs. No matter how small these concerns are or no matter how young we are, He will always come through when we ask Him.
About 8 years after this, I was diagnosed with cancer. Young, sick and afraid of losing my life, I recall laying in my hospital bed asking God to allow me live. I made a pact with Him, that if He allowed me to live, I would spend the rest of my years on this earth testifying about how He saved me. Not only did He allow me to live, He allowed me to give birth three times, to three healthy and thriving babies! God is MAD FAITHFUL!! These are just two examples of the way God has shown up for me and I can honestly go on and on about this! I give these examples to give context as to why I started at this place when I felt like life had done me wrong and that I had been dealt a bad hand.
Many people believe that the purpose of having a relationship with God comes from His ability to show up in the big moments, when in actuality, Him showing up for me in the little moments, over and over again are the times that have been essential to me building a trusting relationship with Him. It has been the times when it was hardest to get out of bed and He gave me a little strength to keep going, the times when I was down to may last dime and He sent a reliable source of income, the times when I didn’t know how I would get through the season that was supposed to break me and He mended my broken heart, restored my joy and gave me peace that surpasses things I couldn’t understand. Who wouldn’t serve a God like this?! When God has brought me through countless mini triumphs, I am not surprised when He shows up for me in big ways. So for me, on days where I am overwhelmed due to life pulling me into different directions, when unforeseen things occur in my life or when I find myself in tough seasons, I start here; at the feet of Jesus. On a road to recovery, a journey to divine alignment.
Talk Therapy:
As a young black girl, growing up I would witness the woman in my family go through hardship and would often witness them take their problems to the church and be told to “pray about it.” One of the things that has freed me as a young woman and a mom is that I do believe that two things can exist at the same time. I do believe that you can forgive and still be upset, you can have faith and still be afraid, and likewise, I believe that you can have a relationship with Jesus and go to therapy. Praying about things is only half the battle.
James 2:26, says that faith without works is dead. I see therapy as a means of working out my faith. I see faith as hope and you can always tell where someone’s hope is by how they prepare for what they are asking God for. So when I found myself out of alignment, I was broken, hurt and I found it hard to see past my pain but I knew that I didn’t want to stay at this broken place and become bitter and resentful. Going to therapy for me was understanding that although I was in a tough spot, I desired to be better, to get in a better space; a space that exuded peace, joy and hope again. And putting action to my faith, I started going to talk therapy.
For so long therapy has gotten a bad reputation because of the bad connotation and stigma attached to it that implies “something is wrong” when someone decides to participate in therapy. This couldn’t be furthest from the truth. In fact, nothing has to be wrong for an individual to participate in therapy. Participating in therapy allows for us to have support from an unbiased individual who is legally obligated to keep everything we discuss confidential. Therapy gives us an opportunity to slow down, process the things we go through and obtain tools and skills to deal with these things appropriately and in a way that is conducive to the kind of life we desire. Therapy also provides us with insight to deal with things to come. Furthermore, when unfortunate or unexpected things do happen in my life, I don’t panic and scramble because I am now readily equipped, in most cases, to handle the unfortunate and unforeseen. And by continuing to participate in talk therapy, I live life on the offense, not the defense, proactively not reactive.
Self-Evaluation
So often when we go through hard times or find ourselves in hard a season, it becomes so easy to point the finger at who isn’t there for us, who did us wrong, and focus on the offense. God knew that you would be in space right now, He knew the things that would happen to you and He also knew that these things would not break you! In addition to that, He is going to use all of this and cause it to work out FOR YOU! The thing that I have learned about life is that, life will keep presenting us with the same situations until we learn the lesson or pass the test. I am a firm believer that God sends us to this earth and equips us with everything we need to fulfill our divine purpose here. I believe hardships are inevitable and essentially sent to distract us from our divine purpose. Although God does not author these hardships in our lives, I believe He allow these hardships to happen in order to test us, because a faith that can be tested can be trusted.
Considering this, when I am going through a tough time or a hard season I spend a lot of time self-evaluating. I do this through journaling, intentional thought processing and talk therapy. I assess things in my life that are bothering me, examine the relationships I have with the people closest to me, think about what my ideal circumstance would look like, where I am in life compared to my ideal circumstances, assess areas that I have grown and assess areas of my life that still needs improvement. The reason I look inward is to ensure that my motives are pure, to make sure I am being true to myself and to ensure that I am not comparing my life to others and subconsciously desiring something that’s not meant for me. Doing this allows me to prioritize my needs and desires, effectively and confidently.
Acceptance:
Once I self-evaluate, I am able to see things for what they really are. I am able to acknowledge things that led me to a dark space as well as take accountability for the decisions I made that may have influenced my getting to this dark space or tough season. This usually allows me to accept where I am in the moment. Acceptance is important because the need for validation of others is no longer needed, which allow us to dismiss preemptive anticipation of what others may think about us and how we do life. Acceptance allows us to look past our emotions and it’s influences and focus on the lesson that lies in the circumstance. Until we are able to identify the patterns that keeps leading us down the same roads, we continue to chose the wrong people and things. This is why acceptance is so essential to alignment.
Acceptance brings us to a place of understanding where we no longer need to be affirmed by others to take the next step. We trust ourselves, we trust your ability to see things for what they are and adjust accordingly. Acceptance is when you get to a place where you believe and affirm that’s what’s for you will find you, what’s not won’t touch you. This is usually the place where our growth becomes evident to others because life has taught us some “thangs” and instead of letting those things break us, we allowed these test and hardships to propel us to purpose. This kind of glow does not lie! And once you’ve made it to this place, you feel compelled to protect it, which brings me to my next point.
Establish Healthy Boundaries:
After making it through some of the tougher storms in life, accepting things for what they are, with a deeper understanding of who I really am, I began actively working to create the life that I desire. Establishing boundaries is not something that comes easy, especially in the beginning. I believe that when we establish and assert our boundaries, things that do not serve us and our divine purpose are exposed and dissipate, organically. Therefore, making it clearer to recognize when people or things do not align with our divine purpose and who we aspire to be.
Establishing boundaries requires us to choose ourselves over and over again. You chose yourself over peoples thoughts, others opinions, and over any discomfort that may occur as a result of setting boundaries. This is the part of the journey that is always a work in progress because, just like grass grows if you do not mow it, peoples audacity begins to seep up and you have to reassert your boundaries constantly. And because you have accepted yourself and you are on a mission to build the life you desire, trust yourself to do this when it matters and show up for yourself to assert your boundaries and protect your peace. Do this boldly and without apologies! You owe this to yourself. You are worth this fight, every time!