It can be a chore being a mom, all by itself, but when you add work into mix things can become a bit overwhelming. Doing both may seem impossible or a bit scary, leading many moms to not even consider perusing their dreams. Although it does take hard work to do both, I believe that it can be done, and not only can it be done, it can be done in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling completely depleted. As cliché as it may sound, anything worth having won’t come easy and just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Considering this, I have complied a list of things that I believe all working moms need to help achieve their professional goals and attend to their motherly duties.
Structure:
I think one of the biggest misconceptions many people have about structure is that it’s requires you to map out your entire day, especially when you juggle several tasks. This can be a daunting thought as a mom because our lives are busy enough and that’s even before adding work and any extra endeavors we embark upon. Without adding something else to our to-do list, working moms can create structure by simply creating times in each day to focus on different tasks. We can even incorporate structure into our monthly, weekly, and daily routines by creating habits and check-ins to ensure we stay on top of our goals and that we are creating a life we desire for ourselves and our families. I create structure for my life by setting yearly goals. Every year, I make time to take inventory of my life. I look at where I am, the relationships I have and I assess what is working and what I would like to improve about my life. I take these yearly goals and I break them down into steps that I need to take to achieve these goals. From here I identify task that I can complete that will get me one step closer to these goals. These tasks are things I can do on a weekly or daily basis that will get me a step closer to achieving whatever goals I set out to accomplish during the beginning of the year. Structure is good because it give me a vision and I am a firm believer that vision is what fuels discipline. Having these goals gives me a mark to hit and on days when things are tough and the kids are going crazy. I can look at my steps and tasks for guidance and motivation to keep going. Doing this gives me something to look forward to and I don’t get caught up in where I am in life at the moment. I can embrace where I am while trusting and working toward where I desire to be in life.
To dismantle the idea of balance:
One thing that I have learned as a mom is that balance is an illusion. I have learned to embrace the fact that there is never a time where everything in my life will be at 100 percent. There will always be an area of my life that needs improvement while another area of my life is thriving. This is largely because I am only one person, with 24 hours in the day and 20 things on my to-do list. Between taking care of little kids, constant interruptions while working, extra-curricular activities that the kids patriciate in, intentionally being a present mom and partner; there is just no way to balance it all. Considering this, I have come to terms with the mental capacity required to focus on the things in my life that I can control while proactively improving the areas of my life that are stagnant and could use improvement. I am learning to prioritize where to focus my time and energy and releasing things that may be out of my control in the moment. I have released the idea of balance and letting go of any mom-guilt I had as a result of not having everything in order all of the time. Coming to this realization has freed me tremendously.
Healthy Boundaries:
When I began working while staying home with my kids, I found myself completely overwhelmed a lot of the time which would cause to feel really anxious. Through self-evaluation and therapy, I concluded that I was doing too much! In arriving at this conclusion, I then had to figure out how to re-adjust things in my life so that I wasn’t so overwhelmed. For me, adjusting meant setting boundaries, lines in the sand-so to speak. This allowed me to create some order that allowed me to be productive without feeling like I was losing it. So I began saying “no” more, leaning on my support more, moving things around on my schedule and giving myself grace! Grace to fail and grace to not have it all together all the time.
Setting boundaries for me meant grace, flexibility, and discomfort at times. Setting boundaries meant taking breaks from social media, making sure that I filled my cup before attempting to pour into someone else, ordering out instead of cooking, watching a show instead of knocking something else off of my to-do list when I got a moment to myself, and asking for HELP! Which isn’t easy if you are queen of the “I’ll do it myself” club like me. Setting these boundaries were essential to my well-being and to all of the roles that I inhabit on a daily basis. I quickly realized that if I wanted to fulfill my God-given purpose while here on earth, and be effective in all the things that I do, then establishing and maintaining these boundaries would be an essential component in doing so. And if you find yourself in a constant state of feeling anxious and overwhelmed then take this as your warning to set some boundaries!! There is a life of peace that Jesus died for you to have on the other side of those boundaries.
Support:
As mentioned above, if you’re apart of the “I’ll do it myself” club, in which I serve as president then brace yourself for this one because you are about to hear some hard truths. As much as you would like to do everything by yourself, once you enter into this world of motherhood, it is impossible to do so without support of some sort. Rather it be support from a spouse, grandparents, parents, aunts, cousins or friend; in the space of a working mom, you need to be able to lean on someone for help. From my experience, growing up in the black culture, asking for help often held a bad connotation to it, especially being a black woman. It’s often perceived and projected as a weakness because we are usually the ones who clean up everyone else’s mess, even when our lives are in shambles and we are on the brink of a mental breakdown. I’d like to denounce that asking for help is a weakness because it actually takes courage to admit that you need help, especially as a mother (Because we will complain that we don’t have help and then not trust people enough to leave our kids or needs in their hands). Needing help does not mean that you are weak, it means that you are self-aware, you know your limits and you know what you need to be great! To all my graced mommies out there who have learned to lean on support, pat yourselves on the back(Because some of us are still a work in progress. It’s me, I’m a work in progress)!
All mom’s need a village who supports us for various reasons. When you wear several hats, there are a lot of unspoken hardship that comes with juggling these roles. Some days you may need someone to cook a meal for you, you may need your spouse to take the kids to school and practice, you may need to call your mom to vent or run some ideas by your friend. This doesn’t make you weak, this makes you a boss because you are able to navigate through life, lean on your village and get things done!
If you are a mom or a working-mom, I hope that you take something from this and see this as a sign to adjust your perspective, release the mom-guilt and go be great! And cuddos to you for fulfilling your dreams while taking care of your family! I know that this isn’t easy! I also know that you are equipped with everything you need inside of you to both, effectively and efficiently. If no one has told you, I am proud of you, keep pushing, you’ve got this!