Since becoming a parent I’ve grown a deeper respect and reverence for the people my parents were as they raised my siblings and I. As I’ve grown older, I see my parents more as individuals than parents; and I’ve learned to understand that they are imperfect just like me, trying to figure this parenting thing out, using the information they had just like I am. This has allowed me to extend grace to my parents. If raising children doesn’t do anything else, it will absolutely humble you and cause you to see things from a different perspective. This is exactly what happened to me which caused me to evaluate my up-bringing and process what my parents taught me about parenting.
Different doesn’t mean wrong:
If you have ever been in the presence of your parents while parenting your kids then I’m sure you have received some form of criticism for choosing a different way. This criticism could have come by allowing your kid to do something that your parents forbade you to do when you were young or by allowing something or giving your child access to something your parents restricted when you were young. For many of us, our parents were brought up in a different time and age; one where children were often seen, not heard and were to do what they were told regardless of how the child may have felt about it. Many of us parenting in today’s culture do so from a more informed space. Many of us consider our children’s thoughts and allow them to express themselves. We attend to their emotions in a way that ours may not have been attended to.
Once I got over the criticism of doing things different, I began educating my parents about the reason why I chose a different parenting approach in certain situations. In these moments, I find that my parents are more understanding and willing to work with my parenting style even though it is different than theirs. Sometimes they completely don’t agree but respect my position and sometimes they do what they want because that’s what grandparents do. Regardless, we both are able to embrace the fact that different does not mean wrong. Parenting in the age of information has its benefits, as many of us are able to parent with some kind of informed knowledge about different areas that our parents may not have had access to. I’ve learned to embrace this, to educate my parents and bring them into the awareness of what I’ve learned. This essentially helps the kids as well as creates an understanding amongst two generations living in a completely different day and age.
Parenting isn’t convenient:
The more I parent, the more I realize how much of an inconvenience parenting is. From the time children are conceived, they begin invading our space. From there, it never stops. The interruption of sleep, the feeding on demand, the temper tantrums, school drop off/pick ups, play dates and extracurricular activities, it’s all an inconvenience, for most of us. For me, I never realized this until my days became filled with things to do for everyone from the moment my feet would hit the floor. Some days my kids and fiancé literally waits for me to wake up to make breakfast. Some morning before I wipe the crust from my eyes, I am greeted with a “mom I’m hungry, what’s for breakfast.” As if they are too privileged to make cereal. Some days I look up in disbelief that so much time has passed in a day. I try and figure where the time went because these kids be having their mommy, mommy’n. Being a mom who is intentional about seeing my own dreams through and also understanding how kids can alter plans, I’ve grown to appreciate all the sacrifices my parents made to ensure that I had an amazing and well-rounded upbringing. This is something that I don’t take for granted and something that I strive to give to my children. As much of an inconvenience that parenting is, I’ve embraced the fact that it is a labor of love.
You never stop parenting:
My 34 year-old self will still call my mom to gain perspective about certain things, ask her to walk me through a recipe or ask my daddy his opinion about a broken appliance. My parents are the first people I call when I get a new job, give birth, or achieve any major milestones. I call my parents because I want them to be proud of me, to validate me in ways that only the people who are as invested in me as they are, could. What’s really significant to me, are the times when the world has felt like a strange and scary place and I’ve needed guidance to bring me back to the light and to be reminded that everything will be okay; my parents have been and continue to be a safe space for me. Sometime this has come through fussing, wisdom, or just reminding me of who I am, whose I am and that I am loved. It is in these moments that I realize that my life as a parents doesn’t stop until the day I take my last breath. There are a lot of lessons that comes with being in the middle of two generations, the most significant one I’ve taken away is that I get to learn as I live and apply what I learn, because parenting never stops.
As parents, we are always influencing our children in one way are another because children are always watching and absorbing everything. Considering our main roles to our children, essentially during development, is parenting; we indirectly teach our children a lot about parenting. Our children learn from us just like we learned from our parents. Knowing this, lets strive to give our children the best example we can provide. On the days when it’s good and on days when it’s hard, lets show up, not just for our children, but for our children’s children.