If you haven’t experienced infertility, I am sure you know someone who has; rather you know it or not. Many couples, especially moms, don’t disclose when they struggle with infertility because this pain runs deep. Moms who have experienced infertility are often re-traumatized by the social constructs centered around motherhood, relationship statuses and age. If you’re a woman, particularity over the age of 30, I am sure you have been asked “when are you going to have a baby?” “when are you going to give me grandchildren/a niece or a nephew?” or “your not pregnant yet?” Women or individuals who haven’t experienced the disappointments that comes with infertility are, often times, not sensitive to the struggles of those who have experienced infertility. Because of the pressure society places on women and couples after getting married, couples who have been together for a long time, or women at a certain age, many of us assume if a person doesn’t have a child, they aren’t actively trying. This isn’t always the case.
48 million couples and 186 million individuals live with infertility, globally (WHO, 2020). Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after at least six months to one year of trying. Infertility is also to referenced if a woman keeps having miscarriages (MedlinePlus, 2021). Imagine wanting something so bad and questioning your innate ability to make it happen because it is beyond your control. In addition to this, imagine being constantly asked about it and experience the mental exhaustion and internal disappointments that comes as a result of this. Consequently, causing you to feel inadequate. This is what many moms who struggle with infertility feel. Getting on social media to family pictures, pregnancy announcements, and newborn photos can be very triggering to the moms and families that have experienced infertility. So my challenge for us #gracedmoms is to think of this post when we talk to that friend or that individual that “fits the script” but doesn’t have kids yet. Let’s be gentle and sensitive to seasons that so many moms wish they weren’t in, yet, they find themselves in; where they may have a desire to have a family but are currently not physically able to. Before asking a couple or a mom, why don’t they have kids, ask them if they have desire to have kids and provide some love and support for their position.
If you’re a mom, you’re reading this, and you have struggled with infertility or may have experienced the loss of a baby; I want you to know that I see you. I acknowledge that I could never imagine the pain that you feel as a result of your loss. I am thinking of you, I pray for your healing and that you are able to cope with the pain you feel over time. Know that when I look at my babies, I count my blessings twice because I realize how much of a gift it is to hold them. I am sending you love in this lifetime until you can feel the joy of being reunited with your angel baby in the next life.
XOXO